. You gotta boner! You're such a little fag as he laughed at me! He said, I know you were looking at my dick today when I was running around the house naked you little sissy! I said, no I wasn't but I totally was! He said you like dicks don't you? Again I said, I didn't, but never really thought to much about them before that day!The next thing I knew, Wayne dropped his sweatpants and started jerking in cock! He said you like my dick, don't you sissy boy? I said, it looks ok. He said you wanna touch it don't you? I said, no, but I really did want to feel someone other then my own dick. He grabbed my hand and put it on his hard cock! It felt so hard and warm I started jerking it like I would normally jerk my own cock. Wayne started moaning telling me I knew you liked dicks you sissy! And right at that point I think he was right! After a few minutes of jerking Wayne's dick he was ready to blow his load. He ordered me to jerk it faster until his balls tightened up and he let loose a huge. You just don’t have it.’ ‘How do you know? You don’t know what I feel inside, April. How weak I am, how dependent, how uncertain. There’s nothing I want more now than for someone to come along and take control of all this. Take control of my life and everything so I can have some peace.’ ‘Yeah. I know what you want, and that’s not what subbing is about. You think it’s going to fix your broken heart but it’s not. That’s not how it works. Being a sub has to do with giving yourself away to someone, being willing to give your pleasure and sensation to them, of placing your soul in their hands and trusting them completely. It’s not just ‘take-care-of-me-I-can’t-cope’. That has like nothing to do with it.’ ‘I know what it means,’ I said, but I was lying. I was lying because I was hardly hearing what she said after the bit about placing your soul in their hands and trusting them completely, because that obviously referred to what April had done with me that first night in her apartment when.
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